"There was the tree, with its deadly lights, and the presents, heaped up violently--" [my kind of christmas]
"Sonya was so angry, she picked up a cigarette from a table and threw it hungrily under a rainbow."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be hillbilly-esque." [i knew the word 'hillbilly-esque' would pay off!]
"Santa was the best kisser ever, as if he was more rotted than road kill. He made Sonya's thigh feel all terrible." [...oh god]
"We'll make a really deadly snow man!" Nathan said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Sonya said. "That would be more terrible and politically correct."
Sonya screamed hungrily and ran but the snow deer chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow deer slayed her quickly.
"Nobody does that to my little Smokin' Cigarette," Nathan screamed. [i... just...]
If only I hadn't been so beautiful, Nathan thought, pouring a sparkling amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Sonya might not have got so painful and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a terrible tear and held his hand in his hand.
"I'm so awesome!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Sonya. You saved me from the truck. But your hand is broken." [i'm pretty sure this would be canon.]
"Your hand must hurt lightly," Sonya said. "I think this will help." And she screwed Nathan several times. [sonya wishes this was canon.]
"It looks hard," Allen said huskily. [THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID]
Lenore and Allen were out for a handsome Valentine's walk in the sky. As they went, Allen rested his hand on Lenore's head. It was the most romantic walk ever. [can he even reach her head?]
"Do you suppose it's hard here?" she asked huskily. [...'nough said]
Things looked dead. But Lenore, although she was yellow, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a dress and, like a rook screaming in the night, beat the fox lightly until it ran off. "That will teach you to nail innocent people."
Then she clasped Allen close. Allen was bleeding quickly. "My darling," Lenore said, and pressed her lips to Allen's finger.
"I love you," Allen said silently, and expired in Lenore's arms.
Lenore never loved again. [this is too canon.]
When Lenore came to, Allen was holding her hand and looking lovely. "My love," Allen said quickly, "I'm sorry for the handsome shock. I've been shipwrecked on a dark island for the last ten years, living like a rook screaming in the night. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my head in the wreck. Can you still love me?" [OH MY GOD THE ROOK MEETS WHIPLASH!.]
Lenore was almost in the sky when she came across a lovely cake, lying alone on a handsome plate. "That must be a treat from my dead bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. [trip indeed. lenore, honey, you might want to lay off the drugs.]
"I got you a dress. It must have been that yellow man who lives nearby. He acts a little quickly, ever since he nailed a gun."
"My darling," Allen said, stroking Lenore's finger, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Lenore. "It is but a bright token of my dark love." [that last part is actually kinda cool...]
If only I hadn't been so gorgeous, Nathan thought, pouring a beautiful amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Allen might not have got so pulsing and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a breathtaking tear and held his member in his hand. [i decided to do a nathan x allen one. this is what i get.]
"I missed you huskily," Allen said. "And I wanted to do your chest again."
Nathan hugged Allen and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Allen said.
"I think so too," Nathan said and they did each other's chest until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted horse face and lived sexily until Nathan got drunk again. [and taking into account nathan's drinking...]
"Wait," Nathan said and caught Allen by his member. [brb dying of laughter]
How could he expect Allen to love someone with a pulsing member? [dying some more]
They came together and their kiss was like the glow from the fire of a thousand burning zombies.
"I love you," Nathan said breathily.
"I love you too," Allen replied and did him.
They bought a horse, moved in together, and lived huskily ever after.
"On the eighth night, Allen climbed into bed with Nathan. He burrowed under the covers and huskily did Nathan's member." [i am convinced the bot behind this is a yaoi fangirl]
What's in a name? That which we call a member
By any other name would smell as beautiful [and here yaoi goes shakespeare!]
Allen swept Nathan into his arms, bent him on a table, and kissed Nathan breathily, slipping him the tongue and groping his member. [*gropegrope*]
See, how he leans his member upon his face! [...someone's well-endowed.]
Then one night, Allen looked up at Nathan and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a rock hard prince."
And here's a complete story, just so you can see how fun this can be.
Sonya was walking through a red meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a smokin' little deer lying under a tree.
Sonya skipped over to see the dear thing and was tired to find that he was hurt! A gauntlet had pierced his awesome little thigh and he whimpered violently with the pain.
"My silvery little friend," Sonya said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the gauntlet, as haltingly as she could. The deer cried out and Sonya's heart ached, as if he was more rotted than road kill. "You'll be all right," Sonya whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Nathan and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Nathan up in her arms, Sonya carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Sonya nursed Nathan, cleaning his thigh and feeding him Bacon-brand deer chow.
On the eighth night, Nathan climbed into bed with Sonya. He burrowed under the covers and hungrily slayed Sonya's ear. It made Sonya giggle and she cuddled close to Nathan, stroking his eye and singing sleepily to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Sonya hurried home so she could curl up with Nathan. It gave her a silent feeling whenever Nathan slayed her ear.
Then one night, Nathan looked up at Sonya and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a hillbilly-esque prince."
Sonya screamed quickly, she was so surprised. How could a deer talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Nathan said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Sonya said and kissed Nathan on his eye. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a hillbilly-esque prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Nathan," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Sonya said.
"See?" Nathan said and showed Sonya the scar from the gauntlet on his thigh. Then he kissed Sonya and they tumbled under a rainbow and did a lot of very deadly things, some of them involving a terrible cigarette.
"I love you," Nathan said when they were done. Sonya clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Nathan had stashed away.
And if Nathan didn't know about Sonya's visits to the deer sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
(I'm pretty sure this would be a canon Sonya daydream.)