so kiss me goodbye honey i'm gonna make it out alive

So I'm (finally) working on the newest chapter of WHIPLASH!, and goddamn, this shit's depressing. Not in the fact that it'll bring tears or anything, or it probably won't even sound all that depressing when read because it reads pretty quick and doesn't dwell (unlike actual tear-jerkers), but still. imagine this.

I decided to open up with some Lenore goodness. Because really, she doesn't get enough writing time yet. This'll change once the plot picks up, but as of now, she's pretty side-character-ish.

So we get major posttraumatic stress disorder and a good glimpse of what she goes through on a nearly daily basis.

“Nora, wake up.”
Flashes of memories, bits and pieces, frames of smiles, of kisses, of tears, were in her mind’s eye before she could stop it. Lenore screwed her eyes shut tighter and dragged her arms down to her stomach with a sleepy groan. Allen’s snoring jarred her completely out of her slumber. Lenore opened her eyes, unsurprised to find that Thomas wasn’t beaming down at her with his usual wakeup.
He never was.
She shut her eyes again and pushed herself up onto her elbows. It wasn’t even light out yet, but she knew she wouldn’t be getting any more sleep. It was happening more and more often, too, she noted with no small amount of irritation.
Lenore ran her fingers over the nivedidus on her arm, contrasting the smoothness to that of her skin. It may as well be part of her skin, but even after years of service, it felt so alien. Especially in the real world, out of the wastes. She looked over at Allen, still snoring quite loudly, and couldn't help a small smile. She silently got up, untied her hair, and knelt down beside his bed. “Allen,” she whispered as softly as her voice would allow, although he immediately cracked an eye open, “I'm going to go take the shower first. Go back to sleep.”
“What time is it...?” he whispered back, settling back into his pillow with a sigh.
“Early. Go back to sleep.”
He didn't need to be told again. He was snoring once more by the time she had the water running. Lenore moved her long hair behind her shoulders and tried to concentrate on the shower, she really did. All that came to mind, however, was Thomas. She could practically hear him complaining about her taking too long in the bathroom. Lenore shook her head, biting her lip, trying to stop the tears. It was much too early in the morning for such things.
“Thomas, I miss you.”
The scalding water didn't answer her. Lenore slowly sunk down to the floor, nudged the drain shut, and let the water and her hair flow around her until she stopped crying.

That's right. She actually, canonly wakes up every morning to "Nora, wake up" as her mental alarm clock. If she lets it happen, she would completely zone out and get lost in memories. Also, the stomach thing - in case people had forgotten, she was pregnant in the prologue. If she ever wraps her arms around her stomach, it's either damn cold or she's trying not to dwell.

And then, surprisingly, we get a dose of helpless angst from Nathan of all people. Imagine this one: You're nineteen, twenty in a couple months. Almost fresh out of school. Oh, you've had training. Graduated (nearly) top of the class and whatnot. Feeling pretty cocky about everything. Sure, the first mission was a bit of a surprise, but everyone came out more or less okay. At least on their team.

Then this mission. (Minor spoilers, but it's implied in the end of the last chapter and it's in the beginning of this one, so...) You meet this family. Adorable kids, beautiful wife. Cue monster the second you leave them alone for five minutes. You come back, manage to kill the thing, only to find one child mercilessly and literally ripped to pieces, the mother dead, the father wounded and breaking down, and the other kids and your goddamn Inven missing. You have two dead bodies and a dead monster lying at your feet and a man sobbing over it all and your literal link to life is hiding somewhere. It's dark out, the smell of blood and death hangs in the air, and your heart is about to explode. What do you do in this situation. Do you go out looking and leave the man alone? Do you lead children back to where their sister and mother are brutally murdered and still laying in their own guts and blood? Do you dare hope there aren't any more creatures roaming the wastes around you this very second?

The Lannish man took all of two steps before collapsing to his knees. Nathan started forward—only to be halted when he heard a sob.
I... I don't know what to do. He had never felt so helpless before. Training didn't prepare him for this. It didn't teach him to shoot monsters or what to do with attacks or how to comfort a man who had just lost a wife and child. Nathan looked, almost unwillingly, at Seraphine and the other body. It—she—was one of the girls. He wished desperately he could have remembered her name.

I think helplessness is one of the worst feelings in fiction, but when conveyed properly, is worse than almost everything else. It's incredibly powerful. Nathan has NO IDEA what to do, regardless of his class rank, regardless of his gun, regardless of his training, regardless of everything. He's just thrown into this and wasn't prepared in the least.

(I'm also reminded tragically of an episode of Adventure Time. Yes, it's a kid's show (but it's kickass). But in the episode The Jiggler, amongst catchy tunes and goofing around and an adorable little whistling creature they call the Jiggler, they nearly kill it and without anything else to do, the main character (a young boy) starts kissing it. "Why are you doing that?" his partner asks, alarmed. "Because--I don't know what else to do," he replies in the most heartbreaking little voice imaginable. It's short and sweet and that's how these things should be, lest they completely overpower the reader/viewer and break them/the character. A key element of tragedy is the helplessness, but mostly it's implied. When attention is drawn to it, well... Well maybe I'm just tired, I don't know. But I enjoy this.)

careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it just might get it

Sooooo I got a new laptop!

This is awesome because, well, hey! New laptop! Major bad news because it has NO working word processor program. >: I'm trying to yoink my last one from my previous computer, Tachi the first (who went to my brother), but so far, no good. Good news is that I managed to get all of my pictures, photos, word documents, and music off. Which is good. XD I am NOT going to rebuild my music library. >> Like any good teenager, I have a huge one.

Speaking of which, I'm only a teenager for another twenty five minutes! :D As of the twenty-seventh, I will officially be twenty. XD I'm old now, damn. As such (and because of family and the whole not being able to type thing), probably no Pedestal update tomorrow... whoops. I had wanted to get that and a christmas one up, but life's like that. >:

(My new laptop is Tachi II.)

come with me and you'll be in a world of pure imagination

WEEEEELL. Got back home. Finished Assassin's Creed 1 and am waist-deep in 2. I love this series. Distraction!

As such, not a lot of writing. I'm not even sure I'll have a pedestal update for next week. No christmas thing, either, oh well.

Worst news of the year: NEW STORY IDEA AUGH.

"But cora, why is this bad news?" you all cry, I'm sure. The problem is that when this happens, stories get ditched. I think Pedestal's in the clear, but The Ram would be on the list of going down. WHIPLASH! too if I let this idea keep eating away at me. The problem is that I have no self-discipline whatsoever. I have never finished a novel prior to Dark Knight, and never finished an original completely-mine novel until The Rook. (note: these were both last year)

Uh it's late now I'm going to bed. More on this later.

furry walls turn out the light furry walls please stay the night

WARNING! Science content! This is an older post that I'm just now getting around to sprucing up and posting. Remember when I had a neat little entry about the ladies of the WHIPLASH!verse? Well...

Let's have the menfolk now! Who I secretly have a huge complex about because I shared chapter one of WHIPLASH! with my boyfriend and he critique'd my manspeek. I fail at the 'manly' man, I know. (But at least in Allen's case, it's purposely averted.)

Jack Gallagher.
Jack is tall and built with brown hair that likes to fall into his eyes and big dark brown eyes. He's terribly a dog. He's loyal, energetic, prone to puppy love, etc. Maria arguably sees him as a pet, too. He's very cheerful, and not a lot can get him down. And if it does, not for long. He can rebound from almost anything - which is crazy useful out in the field.
He was ranked fifth in their graduating class. Probably could've tried harder and gotten higher, but he a) didn't terribly care, b) was busy helping Allen not-fail, and c) had to go up against some crazy motherfuckers for those top spots. At some point, I imagine he just gave up and let Sara Grace and Nathan duke it out. Then put Luca and Zeren in between them for safety.
Jack is trained in how to use most handguns (well, in theory, they ARE pretty much the same anyway) and usually uses a .45 or a 9mm, depending on his mood. In fist fights, he hits hard, but usually remains defensive and lets his opponent come to him. He likes to think he waits for the opportunity to get under their guard, which may be true and he may go for it, but he often fumbles it. He can take a hit, though (and usually does). Probably one of the more composed men while injured, haha.
Inven: Emma Jagg. His is the opposite of Nathan & Sonya's - their relationship is about 25% brotherly and 75% fatherly. If pressed, he'd claim he sees her more as a sister, but that's a lie. He's enjoys playing the father figure far too much.

Luca Becker.
Luca is a tacit, tactful, reserved, emotionally constipated man. (I'm also congratulating myself on getting to utilize the phrase 'emotionally constipated'.) He has close-cropped hair that one color that is hard to describe. Not black, but dark; not brown, but almost gray, although he's in his twenties. You know what color I'm talking about. He has dark eyes that could be brown or black or maybe even blue. Luca is always wearing his dogtags, or at least people assume they're his. No one's ever worked up the courage to ask. He graduated third, but due to a mistake in the system, didn't get paired up with an Inven with the rest of his classmates.
Luca, like Nathan and unlike Jack and Allen, knows the value of a single well-aimed shot as opposed to three potshots. He can change between a handgun and a rifle comfortably, and in the couple months he had of very unexpected downtime, he started to learn the basics of knifework. Physically, he is built and muscular and knows how to fight. He, like Jack, relies on his opponents to come to him; unlike Jack, he uses openings well. He's ruthless and goes for weak points if it will win him the fight, but he only fights if it's a life or death situation.
Inven: He eventually gets paired with Emil (it's an open secret at this point). Luca unexpectedly develops a soft spot for the boy and it's hard to tell what exactly he sees their relationship as. It may be like a father and daughterson, or it may be like an owner and his pet... Either way, Emil very quickly gets him by the balls and keeps him. Very luckily for him, Emil is too sweet or possibly unknowing that he holds so much power over his Tego. (Very unluckily, Sonya has power over Emil and knows it. But that's another matter.)

Zeren Kaya.
Zeren hails from the land of Bauk to Sovine's direct south. In fact, he emigrated to Sovine just a couple days before leaping headfirst into the Tego exams. He didn't know a word of Sovinian and passed with flying colors. Three laws had to change after he entered into schooling. (First, 'you must speak our language'. Second, 'you have to have lived here for x amount of time to participate in the exams'. Third, 'goddamnit how could you have passed all of the tests without knowing what the hell you were doing - uh, we mean, you have to have lived here x amount of time to do anything government-related so gods help us, don't one-up us again, immigrants'.) Anyway! Zeren has soft bluish-gray hair, which a key minority in Bauk possess, and cold, steel gray eyes. He is a man of few words and doesn't like to speak in front of others. He's shy and reserved and has antisocial tendencies.
He graduated fourth in his class, and like Jack, probably could've done better but had had enough with the drama and Nathan and Sara Grace's escalating rivalry. He is skilled in weapons, but is possibly even more skilled in hand-to-hand combat. He fights in a Baukish style that he jealously guards and rarely shows off, although to his ultimate shame and annoyance, both his Inven and Allen Pershing have managed to pick up bits and pieces of it.
Inven: Genevieve Walter. Zeren isn't sure how to deal with her and does so very awkwardly at first. They soon come to a rather quiet decision on how to act, however; he treats her as an adult and they rarely talk about anything other than work. Probably the most srs bsns pair.

I'll chop it off here because the last one had just a couple characters, too. |D

she's like a star tonight without warning she gave up the ghost inside

I'd first and foremost like to thank the nice comments I've been receiving lately, especially from one Trisha. If blogspot has a nifty 'reply' feature, I'm missing it; I don't mean to ignore you! That said, I thoroughly enjoy comments on what I'm aware are usually just my half-coherent ramblings. :>

I thought I'd just leave some fun facts here about various characters and myself, haha. Because I can.

+I just found out tonight that "Kamala" also means "horrible" in finnish. If you've read Pedestal, this is hilarious.

+Also on names - I just now finished creating/naming all of the other Gym race trainers' teams. Some of the awesome names: Hansel, Gretel, Nolan, Hark, Asher, Litese, Samael, Noe, Reva, Ato, Vina, Taraka, Desmond, Miles (you see what I did there), and Susannah.

+Vaikuntha means "the savior".

+Lola and Lenore both means "sorrows".

+Nick means "victory of the people".

+I share a birthday with Hyuuga Hinata, one of my favorite characters from the series Naruto.

+I mentally call the nameless narrator 'NamNar' even though I know his name. I have a feeling this will persist for forever.

+I like to call Nathan 'Nate', although that's not his nickname and I don't like it for him.

+I seem to be very rough on my characters. Lenore has the most scars (by far) of all of my female characters, Sela is still missing a tooth from the riot, Alicia has broken ribs and a leg before, Sonya will probably end up getting shot/break some bones, Lola's had stitches and in fact has had that shoulder ripped open on three separate occasions, Sara Grace will break an arm, and Maria will probably get mauled by a bear or something. Tuesday also has some scarring around her wrist from tugging on her bracelet so much. She also has numerous scars from the Rook...

+For the menfolk: NamNar, a fourteen year old boy (at the time of writing; he started out in-story at ten and will end when he's fifteen) is the most scarred BY FAR of the male characters I own. Following at a distant second is probably one of the male Tego, possibly Thomas or Allen (Lenore, what do you do to those boys!). Nathan will get shot, Allen will have broken bones, Jack's already been in the hospital, and I'm sure SOMETHING will happen to Luca and Emil and Zeren.

+I myself have a couple interesting scars. My newest and most obvious is on my left elbow, from where I skinned it going down the super slide at the county fair this summer. BEST SCAR STORY EVER Y/Y (maturity what maturity)

+I'm not fluent in any language save English, but I'm sure as hell working on that avec francais. Though usually I just speak franglish.

+I'm also making up the language of Lanne (screw the others! SCREW THE OTHERS!) for WHIPLASH! and it sucks ass. It's based heavily on latin, french, spanish, and the basque dialect/language. I'm completely and utterly making it up as I go along.

I am now going to bed! *v*

you're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul

I want to write something about myself (which I never do, haha). Due to recent events in my life. But I don't want to be a walking stereotype; I don't want to have it looked at as a cry for attention. I'm a writer, and writers write what they know. I want people to know this, to know about me, to bare my soul to someone without fear of judgment and only for support.

But I know this won't happen, haha. Humanity is too... idek. I'm selfish, too. I like keeping secrets. I'll just return to my characters and their fictional lives, even if I finally have some drama to rival their own.

who do you think you are running around leaving scars

So I'm rereading After School Nightmare (delicious, delicious manga - I don't care if you don't normally read manga, read it because it is amazing and the best psychological horror thing I have possibly ever read) as a treat to myself and because I am impulsive. This has made me start on a second WHIPLASH! ASN thing, because I am a dork.

At least I'm writing again. I've also worked more on chapter 8, although Nathan's being a dork, too. I'm glad to be writing something that's not The Ram, though, haha... idk what I'll do with Pedestal. I have an actual buffer! Shock and awe, I know.

But now mangafox's server died, so I can't read any more ASN. EVEN THOUGH I'M ON LIKE THE SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER /flail

Wolfie and I are planning on writing the most depressing thing ever. This is actually like, the third thing we said we'd write together in the past couple months. XD If you want an idea of what it'll be like, go play One Chance - but be aware, it's true. You only get one chance to play it. And you could possibly end up with the saddest pixelated scene ever created as the ending which will LOOP FOREVER if you let it. Even if you reload the page.